Loves Madness

You know, sometimes the way life happens sucks. One minute I'm completely in love with the life that I have and the husband I married and then the next, I'm crying and thinking that it should have been his kids that I had. Him who I should have married. Him that I fell asleep with all these nights. Like we're soul mates lost in this world, always drawn to each other but knowing its best to push away.
I fell in love with him when I was 15 and I still think of him everyday. I still love him every day. I still dream of him some nights. Sometimes its different though, sometimes he's with another girl and I'm OK with it, that we're both happy and in love with another, why can't it be like that? Why only a dream?
I'm not saying I don't love my husband, I love him dearly and know that he's the better choice for me! He takes care of me, our kids, and loves me unconditionally. He's probably in all actuality the best man out in the world, but for some reason I can seem to love him more. Enough. I look at him and my heart melts with emotion even after being together five years. I still get butterflies from him. But I still don't love him more!
I've vented to friends about this, about being in love with the wrong person. I've hated myself for it. I've hated him for it. I've tried being friends. I've tried writing and drawing, even blogged a few times hoping that some how it will leave my mind and stay on the page, forever. But no luck, so I'm trying again in this blog.
 I just wish I could love him less. Forget about him, and focus on the wonderful life I have but I see him all the time. I literally think about him every single day, at least once. I'm not joking. We broke up heck 6 years ago and I still think of the guy DAILY!! What's wrong with me?! I have two kids I love more then my life and still dream for another man, even though I've got no reason to want another.


It's so hard. I'm so tired. Just go away.

Forgetting You four years later...

It was poisened from the start, us taking a chance in the dark.
If you could have seen just how much you meant to me.
 I loved you then I love you now,
even after it shouldn't be allowed.
You have her, I have him, plus my other two little men.
But the draw is strong when you're within reach
I try so hard forgetting you,
But its just not easy to do.


...Jacob, I love you.

Working Hard, Hardly Working

Hello again followers :)

hope everyone has been having a great time with life! I know i have!
Morgan is now 8 months old, going on 9!
he has 3 teeth (1 top, 2 bottom) and 1 nub (top) that's not quite cut through yet, but believe me, he's making sure you know its there ;P
He crawls and walks around furniture and is starting to get brave enough to let go and stand on his own, although i think he doubts his self and whines up falling, he gets back up laughing though! (which is totally an inherited trait from his mommy :) lol
No words yet, although he does an awful lot of baby talk, and i talk his ear off just as much as he does mine!
Hes growing so fast and its amazing to see all the new things he picks up on daily!!

Ok, well now on to me, although I'm never gonna be as exciting as his life is :)
I'm now OFFICIALLY engaged to Mr. Justin Allen Francis :D
we are currently wedding planning and have a date set for October 27, 2012!! I'm soooo super excited, even though here lately we've had alot of issues :/
People tell me that marriage will change a relationship, and until recently i refused to believe it. He's different then how he was, hes deffinatly not as sweet and seems to want me to change everything about me all of a sudden. I know I'm a little krazii, moodie, and childish. and he knew that to, thats what he use to like about me, now it makes him run or argue. We've been together for 3 years now, and not once did we have an arguement until a week ago, and it was about stupid little things like him not wanting to help me fold laundry! I mean I get he works 12 hour days 6 days a week, but i work 2 jobs, keep the house clean enough to live in, take care of Morgan and INSURE he has absolutly everything he needs, and on top of it all i never see Jay which is really stressful when he comes home and I'm cleaning and he refuses to help to the slightest bit :/ I mean Maybe its me in the wrong, but i surely don't see the fairness anywhere in there. Other then those little things though me and him are wonderful, we agree to disagree on alot and let bygons be bygons! which hey alot of relationships have gone through worse right? so we'll stick through it :) I love him dearly and I know hes nuts about me, so I'm sure we can find common ground somewhere!

Well unfortunatly its getting a little late, and I must go to bed.. Long day again tomorrow!!

Good Night my Lovely followers and have a wonderful weekend!!!!

Morgans Growing!! :D

Wow I feel like its been forever for me to be posting!! Well I'm trying something new and am venturing off the poetry that got me started on blogging. Most of my followers as of now know that I have a son, however not all of you are aware of how much hes grown. He is now 4 months old, and will be 5 months on the 8 of February. He is getting on his hands and knees, although he pushes himself backwards :) He will smile and laugh, watch TV (his favorite is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) and still to this very day he makes me smile every moment :) I love being a mommy and its been a great experience! he is now started teething and that stresses meat times when i have no idea how to help him feel better, but over all so far its something i look forward to again in my future, hopefully with a little sister of his. Well thanks for reading and I'm hoping to be logged back on soon!

Tiny Fingures, Tiny Toes,
Oh what a cute button nose,
please, oh please don't grow so fast
allow me to watch every moment pass.

Limrick

There once was a girl so in love

that it killed her when they were done

she tried to hold her head high

secretly wanted to cry

instead she took off in a run.

Guardians

People do not know

angles lay around and watch

in the clover beds

as the wind may blow badly

there they are to protect you

Rain

Flowers in the rain

dew drops start to drip and drop

dancing side to side

in the easy breezy day

hoping for more rain showers.